


Menace

by Trams



Series: 24 Ficlets in December! [23]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, Ficlet, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8976004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trams/pseuds/Trams
Summary: Guy's been turned into a cat, and Hal wonders what he's done to deserve this punishment





	

“Guy have been turned into a cat,” was the first thing out of Kyle's mouth when Hal picked up the call. Hal eyed the construct of Kyle, not even an “hello” first? - _today's youth_ – he thought and then felt horified with himself for having thought that. Fortunately he was then distracted having finally realized what exactly Kyle had said.

“Thanks for the heads up,” Hal said. “I'll just avoid Oa until you figure it out.”

“We're on Earth,” Kyle said, and Hal was sure he imagined the amusement in Kyle's voice, because how could he possibly find the prospect of Guy Gardner as a cat amusing?

“Please stay away from me,” Hal said.

“We're outside your apartment building,” Kyle said.

“I'm not home,” Hal said quickly and rushed to his balcony door, sliding it open and then stopped.

“I should have said 'we're on your balcony shouldn't I?” Kyle said, standing in front of Hal, smiling, and on his shoulder sat a large, very orange cat, with a decidedly unimpressed expression as it watched Hal.

*

Hal sat in one corner of his couch, and Guy-cat sat in the other. Hal stared at Guy, Guy stared back. Meanwhile Kyle was talking, and seemingly oblivious to Hal and Guy-cat's staring contest.

“... and now we just have to wait for Zatanna to return our call, or that British dude-” Kyle said. “Constantine.”

Guy-cat's eyes narrowed. Hal didn't blink.

“Was the uniform necessary?” Hal asked, without taking his eyes off of the cat. He assumed the uniform was generated by Kyle's ring. Kyle had even given Guy a fake ring around his tail, a tail which was slowly swooshing back and forth on the couch.

“Yes,” Kyle said. “Are you two seriously having a staring contest?” Kyle asked, part incredulous, part very judgemental.

“Yes,” Hal said. “And I'm winning.”

“No one is winning here,” Kyle muttered. “I'm going to raid your fridge, please be done with your pointless contest when I get back.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

*

The staring contest ended in a draw when Hal got bored with it and decided to try and touch Guy. That particular idea ended with Hal's hand bleeding, and Guy sitting on top of a book shelf hissing at Hal.

*

“Why aren't you two terrorizing John?” Hal asked a little while later, and made a face when a loud crash signaled another flower pot hitting the floor after Guy had pushed it down. Hal didn't have a lot of flower pots, he was surprised he even had one to be honest, but after this he wasnt going to have a single one.

“You know why,” Kyle said.

“You like tormenting me more?” Hal asked.

“Of course we don't enjoy tormenting you,” Kyle protested.

“I don't believe you,” Hal said.

Kyle shrugged, and took another bite of the sandwich he'd made. At least he'd made one for Hal too, because Kyle was somewhat considerate sometimes. Except for when he brought his _“turned into a cat”_ -partner around to Hal's place so that said partner could wreck havoc.

There was a soft thud from inside the bedroom, and a moment later Guy came through the door, prowling through the room, and giving Hal a dirty look. Guy-cat was a large cat, the kind of cat which if it slept on your chest you'd probably have some trouble breathing.

Guy spotted Kyle, his ears pricking up, he came back towards the couch, completely ignoring Hal now, and jumped up in Kyle's lap. Guy bumped his head against Kyle's chest. Kyle started scratching Guy beind one ear. Guy looked up into Kyle's eyes, and blinked slowly, before he curled up into a purring ball in Kyle's lap.

“He'd never do that with me,” Hal said.

“He loves me more than you,” Kyle said. He was smiling a little, while still scratching Guy behind the ear.

 _Oh, he definitely loves you kid. More than you know –_ Hal thought. Hal had been all for telling Kyle that Guy was, painfully obviously, in love with him, but John had stopped him. Saying that what if Guy hadn't realized how he acted around Kyle, and it would just be terribly awkward for Kyle.

*

Kyle fell asleep on Hal's couch, with Guy curled up on his chest. Hal took approximately one hundred pictures of them and sent the best ones to everyone in the Justice League and the Justice Society – he didn't have the phone numbers of anyone in the Teen Titans, or any of the other teams of heroes, but he hoped the pictures would start to circulate anyway – and since Kyle was in costume he created an instagram account and uploaded a couple of pictures there, informing everyone of what had happened. He also made John upload a picture to the official Green Lantern twitter account, since he was in charge of it this month, maybe that could bring back some followers after last month when Guy had been in charge of the account.

*

Hal tried petting Guy again – because he really couldn't help himself. The fur looked so _soft_ \- it had much the same result as the first time. Kyle gave him a long suffering sigh, and grumbled something sleepy and annoyed, which Hal didn't quite hear, but he could guess it was an insult directed at him.

*

When Hal came out of the bathroom, having put on another band aid, he was expecting to see Guy still on top of the bookshelf – which was why he didn't walk close to it, because he wasn't so stupid that he didn't consider the possibility that Guy would jump down on his head – but instead Kyle was using his ring as a laser pointer, and Guy was pouncing on the green dot projected on the floor.

“Really?” Hal asked.

“Why not?” Kyle said, and moved the green dot to the wall. Guy rose up on his back legs and put his large front paws on top of the dot.

Hal pulled out his phone again and started filming, while Kyle moved the green dot again, and Guy chased after it.

*

Not much later Kyle received a call from Constantine who showed up at the apartment moments later. While Kyle went to fetch Guy – who had decided that hiding underneath Hal's bed was the correct response to John Constantine – Hal was forced to make small talk with the Brit.

“So,” Hal said.

“You're looking good,” Constantine said. “A little more sober than last time I met you.”

“Right,” Hal said slowly, and kind of wished the floor underneath him would open up and swallow him whole, and then changed his mind and wished Constantine would be swallowed up. Guy-cat was a menace sure, but was it worth turning him back if Hal had to put up with this awkwardness?

“We didn't actually-” Hal started. Constantine didn't say anything, but he had a very enigmatic smile on his face, which Hal had no clue what it could mean.

Thankfully for Hal, Kyle came back into the main room carrying the very grumpy looking Guy-cat.

“So this is him,” Constantine said, eyeing Guy-cat curiously. Guy hissed and tried to swipe at Constantine with one clawed paw. Hal felt a stab of affection for Guy-cat.

“Not a very friendly one is he,” Constantine said. Apparently stating the obvious was one of his powers.

The ritual was very short and confusing, but in the end a human and very naked Guy was lying in the middle of the floor of Hal's living room.

Hal looked away from all that naked flesh as fast as a non-speedster could, but not before noticing that neither Kyle nor Constantine averted their eyes.

“Guy!” Kyle said, voice filled with joy.

“Kyle,” Guy said. Hal glanced back at them and noticed that Kyle had made a pair of construct underwear for Guy. Meanwhile Guy was looking at Kyle with that look on his face like he was totally and completely besotted with Kyle, and he was unaware of anything else around him. Hal looked over at Constantine who was looking at Kyle and Guy, and then over at Hal and mouthed:

“They shagging?” he raised his eyebrows, and pointed at Guy and Kyle.

“Not yet,” Hal mouthed back. “They are blind idiots.”

Constantine gave the two a considering look, before glancing back at Hal.

“I could offer a threesome,” Constantine mouthed. Hal gave him an unimpressed look.

“What are you doing?” Kyle asked, interrupting Hal and Constantine's silent conversation.

“Nothing?” Hal said. Both Guy and Kyle gave him suspicios looks. “Now, will all of you get out of my apartment?”

“Gladly,” Guy said and took the hand Kyle held out to help him to his feet. “This is a dump.”

“It is not,” Hal protested.

He shooed them out the balcony, since that was the way they had come in after all, and then realized that Constantine had lingered.

“Why are you still here?”

“Well, I thought-” he started and then trailed off giving a meaningful look at Hal. He stared at Constantine for a second, brow furrowed, until he got it.

“No, no, not again,” Hal protested. He was reasonably sure that nothing really had happened last time, but he was't gonna let anything more happen this time.

Constantine grinned and winked.

“Don't know what you're missing,” he said and started to head towards the front door.

“Bye,” Hal said. Guy and Kyle had had the right idea in moving to Oa. Sadly that meant Hal couldn't move there.

Hopefully Guy and Kyle would leave Earth soon at least.

**Author's Note:**

> I might need to write a fic where all the lanterns are turned into cats...


End file.
